How to Stop Playing the Blame Game and Embrace Radical Responsibility

It's time to talk about radical responsibility. As humans, we have the agency to make choices for which we are ultimately responsible. However, as a form of rationalization, we can easily misplace blame on other people and circumstances—enter The Blame Game.

The Blame Game is when we deflect the responsibility of a situation onto others instead of taking accountability.

Not only does The Blame Game stifle personal growth, but it also makes us believe we are powerless and at the mercy of external forces, fostering a victim mentality.

The first step to taking radical responsibility in your life is through self-awareness. We must catch ourselves when we begin to blame others and interrupt our usual thought patterns.

Here are some common phrases or thoughts that can occur when we are deflecting responsibility:

• "It's not my fault."
• "They made me do it."
• "If only you had (done something differently.)"
• "I did everything possible, but they didn’t hold up their end."
• "You’re overreacting."
• "I didn’t mean to."
• "That’s not how I remember it."

Once you are aware that The Blame Game is creeping in, try these steps:

1. Pause.
2. Refelct. Ask yourself what role you did play in this situation (be honest.)
3. Use “I” statements to express ownership. For example, "I realize that I may have contributed to the misunderstanding by not communicating clearly."
4. Consider the other person’s perspective. Try to understand their thoughts, feelings, and actions in the situation.
5. Move away from assigning blame and focus on finding solutions. Ask, "What can I do to help resolve this?" or "How can we work together to fix this?"
6. Reflect on what the experience can teach you. What can you learn about yourself, your behaviour, or your approach? 

If you’re struggling to break the cycle of blame, consider seeking support from a coach, counsellor, or trusted friend who can offer guidance and perspective. 

By following these steps, you can move away from The Blame Game and toward a life of radical responsibility, empathy, and constructive action.

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With gratitude,

Christina DeFranco